Wrong again…

8 Jul

I am here again, feeling the pain that is intensely eating up my wholeness.

They say that the heart has no pain receptors; hence, the pain is just an illusion. A temporary psychological disturbance that I have to overcome, in short, it is all in the mind. Perhaps, it really is. They keep telling me I have to move on. Indeed, I am trying my best. Somehow, when I am at school, getting my self busy, I forget the pain but when I am no longer preoccupied, the pain keeps coming back, hurting me much more.

Each time I stare at something, my mind drifts to every memory we had together. I must admit, I can’t help but smile and even laugh reminiscing those moments—making crazy and stupid things that makes us laugh out so loud together. The times when we boast to each other about something or when he would tickle me until I, again, laugh so very hard gasping for breath and then we sit together, hold hands and build dreams together. It makes me smile when I am reminded of the way he would stare at me when my answers to our “Q & A” stuff is wrong, a stare that could really melt one’s heart, making me long for him more and I never get enough of him. He is just so wonderful. His eyes that peaks of thousands emotions, and when he stares, I can’t help but just hug him and tell myself, “I don’t ever want to lose this guy…” his nose that is so beautiful that I can’t keep my fingers off, gently caressing it. It’s angles are just so perfect making him more gorgeous and lovely. His cheekbones that is so well-defined where every time we kiss, I always run my fingers on it, feeling its soft skin. His lips that are so sweet and when it pouts, I just wanted to kiss him more and feel each contour of his lips that are so soft and gentle… and his dimples that really made me fall in love with him. Those dimples that make him look so innocent and so cute…how I love those dimples! his hands that I can’t let go and when he embraces me, I just feel the safest thing as if every worry just fade away. His body that I can’t help but touch and smell his natural fragrance, something that I really love to keep my nose with. His feet that are o long that every time we walk together, I needed to keep fast-paced just to be aligned with him, and because of this, it taught me how to walk faster than normal and value each second that passes.

When I meet an acquaintance along the way, he taught me not to stay in the center and be conscious of other people passing-by so I won’t block their way. When we eat outside, in fast food chains o restos, he would break funny things, really funny, until it makes me laugh out so loud again and then he would utter, “sshhh… your voice’s getting too loud.” And then we would both laugh again. He also taught me how to relax my mind and body through playing computer games like rally, NBA, Tomb raider, guitar hero, NFS, family feud and all those stuff. And when we play as rivals, I love seeing him boast as if I can never beat him. He just looks really cute…

There’s just too much of everything. ….

One Response to “Wrong again…”


  1. My heart will keep beating « sipping coffee. . . - November 20, 2011

    […] heart. Sometimes, too, painful realizations would parade through my very eyes that I have been wronged again by another man who seems to be not any different from the other men I’ve been trying to avoid. […]

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