The “happily-ever-after”

20 Apr

When I was a kid, I was a great fan of fairy tales, the “happily-ever-after” love stories. The tales about Cinderella, Rapunzel, and Snow White, to name a few, are still vividly replaying in my dreams. These stories remain crystal clear to my mind up to now. Well, who doesn’t?

As early as three or five years old, I was already introduced and made believe that somewhere out there, my prince charming or knight in shining armor is just around, waiting for me.

As I grow up, I still have a deep faith that my prince charming will someday show up, will get down on his knees before me under a Maple tree in the glooming, dazzling night, opens a tiny, beautiful box where a glittering diamond ring is waiting to fit my finger and utters, “Will you marry me?” And then I’ll be the happiest woman in the world.

I even used to picture myself with my long, flowing, diamond–beaded, white gown with a bouquet of tulips in my hand. As I walk down the red-carpeted aisle, bubbles would fly around the historical church, the air would be filled with sounds echoing like birds singing the sweetest music of love while my groom, my prince charming, is just right there standing gorgeously, neat-looking in his black, silver-lined tuxedo. As we recite our vows, our fingers are intertwined, and all that I can hear are the racing beats of our hearts and the excitement engulfing our own worlds waiting earnestly for the priest to muster, “You may now kiss the bride”. Then the ceremony closes as my “happily-ever-after” story commences.

Now that I am 20-something, my early teenage years allowed me to have a some men or “prince charming” who luckily (and unluckily) filled my magical-mystical happenings in one way or another. Some of them I have shared some blissful moments. Some gave me that tingling electricity that ran from the very tip of my toe up to my spine as they gently caress my skin and whisper words of love to my cute, little ears. Some did kiss me under a dazzling moonlight, but no ring yet though. Some I shared dreams of sharing wedding vows together. And some effortlessly made their very entry to the deepest core of my heart that I seriously fell in love with and also effortlessly made their very exit leaving an unbearable, painful hole as they went.

As I keep on turning a new leaf of my life, my perception of a beautiful love story gradually changes. I used to see myself sharing every breath, every day with a man. That my “happily-ever-after” is about having a man in my life. But now, the thought of marriage or “lifetime commitment” brings chill to my bones, my tiny hairs rising, and my head spinning and boggling.

A friend of mine, M, at age 24, said she is ready for a marriage, to speak a vow, to walk in the aisle, and kiss his groom. But while waiting for her wedding, she is “living her life to the fullest”, enjoying every single day with friends, going out, chilling out, and just doing what she wants. Because like she said, after her wedding, she won’t be able to do these things she is enjoying at the moment. Contrastingly, M said she has set her future with this man for forever.

With this, my mind started to boggle. If getting married wearing a flowing, white gown, beautiful bouquet, and “you may now kiss the bride” is in exchange of her “living life to the fullest”, how does it make sense?

I have seen couples who are happily married up to now. My friend W said that being married to her only love has brought her more bliss and shaped her a more responsible person especially when a cute baby boy came to their life. But while there are couples who are happily married, I have witnessed and seen an unprecedented number of couples who are also devastatingly married. And this scares me all the more.

I know it is still too early for me to be thinking about marriage. But when my friend M said that marriage is where all we are heading to in the end, I can’t help but think and let my mind debate on it. And so the purpose of this blog.

Lately, I have been comparing my life when I was in relationships to my present. Honestly, being in a relationship has given me irrevocable moments of bliss but at the same time also brought me irrefutable pains. Now that I have remained loyal to my single status, not having any intimate commitments to any man yet, everyday felt like the everyday of my “living life to the fullest”. For the time being, it felt like I have not only reunited with my friends, my family, my wants and trips, the works I do, but most importantly, I have reunited with myself. I gradually gained the liberty of going to places and doing things I love to do without any pressure what the other (a partner or a boyfriend) says, agrees, or disprove. I have freedom. I have total control to what I want and don’t want. It feels….right.

Saying marriage is where we all are leading to, I neither agree nor disagree. But I know that marriage won’t define who I will be. Marriage won’t speak about my wholeness or completeness. If two people really love each other, it is not necessary for a marriage to seal their forever love and devotion. For as long as that that certain person can be a reflection of who you are, enjoying mutual respect, living without entertaining the pressures from what other people say, having mutual liberty, wakes up every single day realizing that you still keep falling in love with each other and grows as each hour ticks by, and can sweep you in a circle of light whenever you are with him, these, for me are far more important. And who says I can’t have a happily-ever-after with just myself, too? Nah . . .

I’d love a “happily-ever-after” ending. I’d love to have my prince charming. I’d love to have that strong feeling that when I wake up one morning I’ll just feel that the man beside me is the one whom I am going to share a lifetime with. The flame of my dream wedding is still fervently burning in my system. I do still dream of a beautiful, happy ending love story, like the fairy tales I used to read. But then again, it is not the men who will define neither my happiness nor my being. Fairy tales may seem enthralling but the reality and now is far more exciting. And so now, I digress.

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One Response to “The “happily-ever-after””

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. There goes the change again « sipping coffee. . . - November 4, 2011

    […] it dawned on me that I was just really still entangled with my own idea of forever-and-ever story. That at this point in time, they should still not get married because they should dig deeper to […]

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