There goes the change again

4 Nov

Yesterday, I was still recuperating from the sudden changes happening with my best friends M and J. The thought that these two lady girlfriends of mine are already going to tie the knot with their chosen partner made me chill to my bones. I mean, once they already did that, things would eventually change. I could no longer drag them to overnight parties or roam around whenever we please. I was seriously saddened.

And then came another news. My best friend, S (I got three best friends, by the way), is also set for a long table. Plus she’s having a baby. I mean, What?!!!!!  What’s going on?!

Since I can no longer contain my shock (yes, I was sorely shocked), I opted to go to the gym and exhausted my unexplainable shock (like I really have to reiterate this). For more than an hour on the tread mill, I was sweating heavily that my tears streamed down my cheeks quite unnoticeable. My mind was battling over the idea that my three best friends are already headed to the next level. And it is not just any other stage but a very serious stage that would require some important shifts in their lifestyles. Then I thought years have passed so swiftly that I actually didn’t notice they are already heading to that way while I am still enjoying the life of a single woman.

I needed more avenues to disclose what I was feeling ‘coz it really felt so heavy. It feels like as if the heaven and earth are caving in on me. I approached my boss, told her about my best friends and confessed what I feel and asked: Can you please assess what I am feeling?

She said: Your best friends already found their happiness. Perhaps they really are ready for a bigger, more serious commitment at this time of their life. As their best friend, won’t you be happy about it?

With her words, the feeling of shock and unexplained sadness gradually turned into a feeling of guilt. I realize I am already being selfish. Instead of fretting about it, why can’t I just be totally happy about their chosen path at this point in their life? Why can’t I just act as a real best friend to them instead of creating a fuss?

Until it dawned on me that I was just really still entangled with my own idea of forever-and-ever story. That at this point in time, they should still not get married because they should dig deeper to what they feel, to really know their partner-for-life to be more. That they should put in mind that getting married isn’t something you just dive into just because you thought you are already up for it. But then I also forgot that they are leading their own lives. Perhaps I have just been terrified of losing something that I was used to. True enough, sometimes we need to let go of things so as to search the unknown for something new.

They’ve found their happiness. And I should support them with every bit I can. Because they, too, has always been very supportive in every endeavor I take—from my profession to every opportunities here and abroad that I am receiving.  They’ve always expressed how supportive and happy they are about me. It’s high time I give equal share of support to them. After all, we are best of friends right?

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