The show goes on

It’s 2012.

I didn’t quite notice how 2011 finally gave in to its exit. The events from the past year seemed to have passed in a rapid-fire pace. And as I try to pen down my thoughts about what happened last year, I can hardly put my finger on it.

Perhaps, I was just overwhelmed with how my 2011 has turned out.

Like all the years that passed, my 2011 was full of unexpected turn of events; some were to my benefit and some weren’t. While remembering the little wishes I didfor myself in 2010, which have guided me toward dealing with 2011, I can see how my life was put on the verge of bursting forward.

My current profession has provided me with so many opportunities and room for further growing up. It has allowed me to roam around the Philippines, going to places which I thought would only happen in my dreams not until I reach 40 or something; those places which a lot of people would dream to set foot unto someday and those experiences that many people have been aiming to experience first-hand.

I have also met and made new friends who shaped my ordinary days into very special moments. They have made me realize how small things like going in a café or simply strolling under the trees could make the bond of friendship grow stronger.

A closer-knit relationship and fondness within my family also grew naturally among us. We have spent more quality time together throughout the year. While we still face old stories of unfathomable events, we are all making efforts to somehow mend the wounds to patch our family back again.

I have also gradually worked out my impatience in dealing with problems and challenges. I have come to embrace stress instead of shooing it away with imperviousness. My sensitivity in dealing with other people’s emotions has somehow pitched a notch higher as try to be always careful of my words and their feelings. I still get a little careless at times though.

AlthoughI already earn my own money, I constantly remind myself that while saving is a priority, I shouldn’t feel guilty for treating myself once in a while like going to spa, munching on expensive chocolates, and buying myself an expensive cellphone. Imake sure, too, that first things first in everything I do specially in my works both in my organization and my workplace.

I also came to develop my self-confidence that I can surpass whatever challenge at hand while recognizing that there are also instances that could be best done with a helping hand. In building self-confidence, I also came to realize, is about feeling good about myself knowing that real beauty is nurtured inside but also keeping in mind that I have to stay beautiful in the outside without the intention to lure men.

Lastly, and perhaps the most important, is that I was able to breeze through the state of my heart a lot easier this time than I have in the past couple of years when it felt like everything was spiraling out of control. I have gotten over heartaches and accepted the fact that there are things that are not meant to last; that my heart is built to endure pain; that my fate in love is not (and will never) be based upon fairy tales anymore; that love will never leave me because I already have the love that I need within myself; that the journey to self-love is never-ending but is worth-taking; and that love will always blossom around me because I deserve it too like everyone else.

It’s 2012 and it is the start of something fantastic. I can feel it.

 

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

Since I was a child, probably six years old or younger, I have already believed in you. Each time those Christmas lights around our house start to flicker, I stare at it delightfully while waiting for you to arrive and grant my wishes.

During those younger years of mine, I would always wish for a box of chocolates or a giant lollipop. Sometimes, though, I’d wish for a sock full of coins which in return I’ll buy for chocolates or lollipops, too.

Though you never came to hand me my wishes, someone would always come, either in the person of a family or friend, and grant my wish. Eventually, my Christmas would turn merry and blissful.

Now that I am 22 years old, old enough not to believe in fantasies anymore, I still want to believe in the magic that you bring as the hour strike at midnight, welcoming the 25^th day of December. Though I still want to receive those giant lollipops, I would wish for something else more than those sweet tooth or tiny silvers in the socks. And though there is only barely three days left before Christmas, I hope my wish list will get its way to you.

My heart was bruised for several times over and there even came a time when I already gave up on love. Though I stopped looking for love, I wish that love will find its way to me. I wish there is really someone in this whole, wide world who can complement my being; someone who can be a reflection of who I am; someone who can challenge me for who I am and love me passionately at the same time; and someone who could make my world go round and give me the love and respect I equally deserve.

While I am also very lucky of getting a job I really love which enables me to go to wonderful places and work with and for people in the countryside, each time I go back to my hometown where my family is, I am drifted to a world very different from where I currently live and work. I wish that even just this coming Christmas, I would feel the essence of what this season really is—and that is to have my family in a single roof, on the same table, eating all together while wishing everyone a merry Christmas even just for a day.

I wish, too, that you could bring back my two cousins who passed away 20 days before Christmas. Bring them back to their families to give them the Christmas they deserve. They were too young to leave the world. And they, too, deserve another Christmas time like everyone else.

Santa, for my last wish, give my mom more strength and faith to go through life. She is the source of my strength and my everything. Let her live longer to live a real life—a life full of happiness, love, and joy enough to outweigh her countless years of suffering and sacrifices.

‘Bulcachong’ is unlike your ordinary ‘bulalo’

The yummy bulcachong!

From exquisite landscapes to extraordinary treasure-trove experiences, Davao City speaks of nature’s beauty and the trappings of modern life all at the same time. And when it comes to unique, extraordinary food offerings, the city has a long list of must-see restaurants that can sate the rumbling stomach.

The long list includes various seafood cuisines and other delectable nourishments that one can choose from without having second thoughts.

One particular eatery in the downtown area which carries an intriguing name stands out as it has become a talk of the town for locals and tourists alike. It has become a favorite stop-over for travellers, too.

The name of the eatery is “Bulcachong”. It carries a tagline that says, “Rapa sa Toro, Sarap para sa lahat.” In Pilipino that’s “delicious carabao dish for everyone”.

The restaurant offers a unique dish that one must partake to capture its essence. The dish is also named bulcachong, a concoction whose secret is known only to its master chef—Chong.

Bulcachong is a buffalo meat recipe which can be similar to bulalo (Filipino beef shank and bone marrow stew) but is uniquely different when it comes to appearance, aroma, and taste.

Bulalo

The chunks of meat are meticulously cooked for three hours until it becomes very tender. It is then mixed with various ingredients that include atsuete (lipstick plant or annatto); a natural coloring, and a minute amount of flour which makes the soup orange and thick. It has a strong aroma which fills every nook and corner of the restaurant.

But what makes bulcachong particularly different and loved is its gingery taste which gives an extra spicy kick that lingers in the partaker’s mouth for at least a minute. It is not the most appetizing description to a dish but certainly a Davaoeño favorite. In fact, it has become a must-try exotic food like that of the famous durian fruit.

For a first timer, the first reaction is to back out due to its strong aroma, but as the thick soup slushes down the throat and the extra soft meat melts in the mouth, the wonders work by itself where the partaker finds himself or herself keep stuffing more into his or her mouth until his or her stomach can take no more.

And what’s the other secret? The calamansi juice which can be poured over the soup which makes it all the more mouth-watering that one opts to order again.

The master chef, Chong, commonly mistaken as a Chinese, is a Filipino. He is a gourmet cook and he likes preparing esoteric dishes such as the bulcachong which have gained popularity among locals and tourists alike over the years. He cooks the way he lived his life—meticulously and very properly.

The bulalo special which is good for 3-4 persons is sold at Php300. For the bulcachong, which serving is normally good for one person, there are two dining options. One can choose to dine outside the restaurant amid fresh air at Php75; or inside with an air conditioner which is served at Php90.

The main store is open for 24 hours. Its peak hours is from 2:00 a.m. to 4:00 a.m. It has become very popular among locals who look for a hot soup to bring them back to a sober state after a night of drinking session.

While there are many restaurants and eateries that mushroomed all over Davao City, the Bulcachong restaurant continues to thrive because of its secret ingredient that no one has succeeded in imitating yet.

Since the Bulcachong restaurant was built, many locals would tried to mix and blend several ingredients just to come up with the exact exotic but delightful taste of the bulcachong but only to no avail. The secret ingredient, Chong said, will remain a “secret” in him and his most trusted co-chef who have worked for the restaurant for 18 years now.

After dining at Bulcachong, one, for sure, leaves with a satisfied and delighted stomach and exclaim: “Lami ah uy!”

That means: “unbelievably delicious!”

My Durian-eating challenge in Davao

Davao City is known to be a dazzling cornucopia of things to see and do. It offers a wide range of exciting and extraordinary adventures and activities that any tourists, even locals, won’t dare to miss.

Davao has been very well-known in housing the tallest mountain peak in the Philippines which is the Mount Apo. It is also home to the very rare and exquisite orchid—the waling-waling. Aside from these, it has also been inherently identified as the haven of the Philippine eagle.

But among all these treasure-trove offerings, the most exciting and must-try experience (for me) is eating the durian fruit. In fact, Davao City has been dubbed as the “Durian City of the Philippine” for this exotic fruit grows abundantly in this city.

As to why eating durian became a very extraordinary and really a-need-courage-all challenge for first-timers is because of its foul odor that would make you puke the moment it is stuffed into your mouth. The odor is like a fume from the unknown jungle (I might be exaggerating here but really the odor is no good at all). After eating, too, the smell in your breath won’t give up that easily. It would last until the morning even after having mouthwash or bubble gum.

I have observed from the durian eaters, though, that they would eat the fruit with their bare hands. This, they said, makes durian-eating all the tastier. Of course, I thought, the odor of the durian would stick on to their hands. The folks, though, gave a very simple hint that could wash the odor away. And that is by pouring water in the durian’s shell and washing your hand in it. Same thing goes with relieving the smell from your mouth. Pour water in the durian’s shell and use it as a gargle.  I did not try this tactic but these folks attested its wonders. I might try this when I get a chance to eat another durian fruit. I promise! It is not the most appetizing description to a fruit, yes, but certainly a Davaoeño favorite. In fact, it’s Davaoeños famous dessert.

And to give you an idea how this durian fruit looks like and how I struggled to stuff it into my mouth with all the super powers I can summon, take a look at the photos below.

The exotic Durian fruit!

I nearly puked!

Trying all might to swallow it.

One chunk down! Yahoo!

Success!

Just some of the left-overs.

I was able to finish four huge chunks! Yehey! And for an adventure-seeker, must-try-it-all person that I am, this is one of the challenges I’ll forever cherish. It wasn’t really easy to keep stuffing it in your mouth but indeed it’s worth a try.

After surpassing such challenge, for sure you’ll say: One more!

My Christmas is back

Years ago, which I could hardly remember now, I could already feel the coming of the Christmas season upon opening my window. A cold breeze lands on my face, caresses my cheek and whispers the melody of the yuletide season.

As I stride through the neighborhood, lanterns and Christmas lights were already grandiosely decorated on each house as well as the trees mightily standing on the streets. As the night comes in, the whole stretch of the place, as far as my eyes can see, was vividly lighted. Its glowing colors illuminates to every corner making the night come to fuller life as it signals the arrival of the Christmas season.

Years fast forward, this fleeting moment never came back to the picture again. Not until last night.

While I was still recovering from lack of sleep for nine consecutive days and regenerating from bone-breaking legworks, I still dragged myself to work over the holiday with the hope to finish my proposal and assigned articles. With the long to-do-list I have in front of my computer, I felt ill all the more. For the whole day yesterday, I was shaking inside and out. But I still tried to get my focus and my will won over my exhaustion.

Feeling already wearing out from the day’s toil, I wished for a breath of fresh air. I was itching to get out from my succumbing office. As if the heavens heard my little prayer, a friend asked me out.

As we freely sat on the grounds outside the university, my weariness and fatigue came tumbling all over my nerves. But as I caught that cold breeze again, those monsters of stress fade out all at once.

Having with us a very kind teacher-turned-businessman who is an excellent singer and guitarist all in one package, the bustling night turned into a calm, peaceful mood as he serenaded us with songs from the 80’s and 90’s. While I and my friend were listening to his music, I thought to myself: This is wonderful. This is life. At first, I didn’t know if it’s because of the song echoing through the park or is it because of the presence of that dear friend who sways like a li’l child as the guitar kept on being strummed. Or is it simply the company that is bringing me a momentary relief? Or is it because it was already too long ago that Christmas season passes without me noticing it?

Because I wanted to cherish every split second of this wonderful moment, I lied down on the grasses, not minding anyone else around the park. As I gazed up the sky, I can’t contain how happy I was feeling at the moment because finally I am star gazing again, which is a simple thing that never fails to bring enormous happiness to my heart. Just by looking at the stars and locating the small and big dippers (which are the only constellations I am most familiar with), I feel peace and serenity. The universe is extremely huge and full of exquisite wonders, I thought again to myself.

As I tossed to my left side, where my friend R is, I asked him: Is Santa Claus real?  I know I was kind of stupid in asking that question but maybe I was just under the spell of the magical night that made me ask a question that is somewhat not quite too fitting to a 22-year old woman like me. But to be honest, I still want to believe Santa Claus is real even If my friend gave me a quizzical look upon throwing such question.

I was further bewitched by the moment as I noticed children play around the park, hugging the 6feet tall Santa Claus figurine and taking pictures with it. Oh how wonderful is it to be like a child again… carefree and believing in Santa Claus without ever getting that quizzical stares from anyone.

The park was also surrounded by Christmas lights and several lanterns ready to be lit up tonight as December 1 takes off. And oh… those bold, whimsical letters saying Merry Christmas. And the Christmas carols ringing all over the place. And… I was snapped back to Kuya Nine, the singer, and my friend R who are already tapping their pants to shun off the tiny grasses that were stuck to it. As they rose, I knew it’s time to leave and call it a night.

As I and R headed home, I felt how that night, how that one hour moment magically turned my heart at peace once again stoking that little flame of hope that Christmas, the old Christmas way I used to have, is back again.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Saan nga ba patungo?

Alam kong buo ang loob ko nang nagdesisyon akong tahakin ang landas patungo sa’yo. Hindi naging madali ang bawa’t hakbang na tinahak ko para mapagtanto ang tamang daan na siyang magdadala sa akin sa destinasyong makapagpapaligaya sa puso kong noon pa’y ligalig at uhaw sa mga kasagutang tila hindi matanto. “Saan nga ba patungo?” Tanging sigaw ng puso ko. Nguni’t sa gitna ng kawalan, tila tanging ako lang nakaririnig sa aking asam.

Pinilit ko pa ring ituloy ang aking paglalakbay kahit panganib ay nagbabadya sa aking daan. Sinubukan kong bagalan ang aking mga hakbang sa pag-asang hindi maliligaw. Nguni’t ang liwanag mula sa araw na siyang nagbibigay gabay sa aking landas ay unti-unting binalot ng kadiliman hanggang di na halos matanaw mga direksyong dapat kong puntahan.

Sa kabilang dako, gayunpaman, nakakita ng liwanag. Pinilit kong iwasan sa kadahilanang kailangang kong magpatuloy sa iyong kinaroroonan. Nguni’t sadyang mapaglaro ang tadhana, kinailangan kong pumili kung saan nga ba. Puso ko’y nagulumihanan nguni’t ano pa nga bang magagawa?

Bago ko pa mawari ang pag-iba ng daang tinatahak ng aking mga paa, ako ay nasadlak na sa isang desisyong kailangan kong pangatawanan. Kahit sa kaibuturan ng aking puso, ang desisyon ko’y hindi buo, alam ko na may dahilan kumbakit ako napunta sa gawing ito.

At habang binabaybay ko ang daan sa kabilang dako kung nasaan ang liwanag na muling bumuhay ng pag-asa sa puso ko, alam kong may kapiraso pa ring parte ng puso ko ang patuloy na maglalakbay para hanapin ka hindi para maging kabiyak kung hindi para ipaalalang naging parte ka sa malayang pagtibok nito.

My heart will keep beating

My boss, while we were in the gym for our weekly session last Thursday, said something that struck me to my bone. She said: If you really want to end your suffering, you have to understand that it’s only you and ONLY you can stop it.

Defensively, I turned to her and said: I know! It’s what I do. It’s what I always do. But when she gazed at me back, there was something in her stare saying that she didn’t believe what I just said. I know that somehow she was right.

For countless times, I have fallen deep into the trap of letting myself fall in love over and over again without getting the love I equally deserve. And for countless times, too, I found myself groping for words as I try to pen down what have happened for the past several months that I struggled toward learning my self-worth and eventually love myself foremost. I struggled to learn the art of letting go and of moving on. I tried to focus on things that I deem more rewarding in exhausting energy with. And I tried to keep telling to myself that everything is going to be all right, that it’s okay to get hurt and fall in love again eventually. I tried all these things with the best that I can.

Along these efforts though, there were times when I find myself keep blathering uncontrollably back to the culprits of my broken heart. Sometimes, too, painful realizations would parade through my very eyes that I have been wronged again by another man who seems to be not any different from the other men I’ve been trying to avoid. And these realizations would only come once my heart starts to bleed inexorably again. Until it feels like I am going way farther down to the lowest ebb of my life.

While keeping my goal of self-love clear in my head, however, I would try my very best to recognize the red flags trotting down my path as another mister inflict equal amount of pain as the others. When this happens, I would summon all the energy and strength I could to firmly tell myself I should stop right there and then. But as inevitable as it is sometimes, I would convince myself that if I will have the patience to wait more, it will happen as it should or as I anticipate it to be. Then I go back to the same cycle of expecting something that won’t actually happen.

When this moment comes, I would helplessly hope that a bolt from the sky would strike me and imbue me with the super powers I needed to let go. Because just when I thought I could already put the past behind me, events would conspire to make it impossible. And truth be told, it wasn’t easy to keep my head above waters.

The events from the past months, however, have taught me much about myself and one certain truth. That when things are not meant to happen, they really don’t. But no matter how painful it might be, it opens another door for another possibility.

Men would come in and out of my life to teach me something important, something universal. That they leave not only because their part is over but more importantly, to make me realize there are a lot more things in life than just being a part of someone else’s life. I learned that it is far more important that I become a part of myself, to be who I am, and to be able to stand on my own terms. I realized, too, that they leave because someone else deserves a place in my heart better than they are.

Today, I know that I am becoming much stronger than I used to be when it comes to falling in love. And because I’ve been learning, I know that I haven’t been more ready to fall in love again. I was wounded in the past but I would never, ever give up.

My heart will keep on beating not only because I am alive but for another good reason—and that is to love again.

Pahiyas Festival 2011

Okay, so this may be out of date by now. I, however, am still compelled to make a blog about this as I first planned six months ago. Six months ago?! Wow. That’s way too aged now really. So before the calendar turns its leaf from 2011 to 2012, I am fulfilling my promise to one day make a blog about the various carabao (buffalo) festivals here in the Philippines that I was able to experience myself.

But before peeping through the photos, here is a brief description of what Pahiyas Festival is all about. The following photos will describe further.

Pahiyas Festival is one of the biggest, most tourist-studded festivals in the Philippines. As the month of May approaches, the townspeople in Lucban, Quezon are already on their feet for the big feast as it is thronged with thousands of people, tourists and residents alike.

Every single house passed by the chosen route of the year is draped with colorful, must-see chandeliers and other art decorations out of vegetable fruits and mainly with “kiping”. Kiping, on the other hand, is the famous Lucbanin decoration made of rice dough. When the grandiose showcasing of the arts that only Lucbanin’s can expertly handle starts on the 15th of May, the streets can be barely passed by a vehicle either big or small. Not even people at times.

And of course, the star of the festival kneeling upon the onlookers’ request, the carabao.

Plus the cute, little children who made the festival more charming as it has always been.

I have to have a photo here too. At my back is the Church of Lucban which was first built in 1595 and was ruined in 1629. The second church, according to accounts, was constructed between 1630 and 1640 but was seriously damaged in 1733. In 1738, this church was finally rebuilt and completed in 1738. So you can guess how old this church is. Pretty interesting.

And when I said that this festival is thronged with thousands of people, I was serious.

These people, like me, just don’t want to miss every single detail of the big affair. The displays and art works are simply stunning and jaw-dropping. And as the sun comes down, the displays just got even brighter as lights transcended and illuminated from each house delicately decorated.

These are just some of the photos about the festival but there are a lot more than the displays like the Lucban’s longganisa and pancit habhab which are really sought-after dishes. I promise to make a blog on this. Promise.

After a winding day taking photographs, running here and there, I and my boss finally took some rest. We were exhausted and drained snaking through the crowd to get some good shots. Nonetheless, the efforts were worth it. In fact, when you experience this yourself, you will surely tell yourself, just like my boss put it: I’ll keep coming back.

(Thanks to my boss Weng for some of the photos here.)

It’s a beautiful day

What else is more heartwarming and rejuvenating other than feeling lighthearted because of the infinite wonders around you?

Today, I woke up early, feeling lighthearted and animated, as if zillions of vigor is infused in every inch of my nerves. I rose from my bed, murmured a prayer for a minute, and released a heavy sigh of relief. It’s going to be a good day, I told myself.

As deliberate as it is, I made myself a cup of coffee, sat on my native-inspired couch, tucked my knees together and slowly sipped my coffee, not wanting to miss its perfectly blended taste and rich aroma spewing around my room. Then I watched the hands of the clock as it tick around the numbers and felt relaxed for I still have an hour to enjoy my morning routine before I head straight to my office again.

Still feeling undisturbed, I scanned through my books and re-read a letter from a dear friend. Then I realize that written words on paper never seem to go out of style. And it never fails to make the heart grow fonder.

After a couple of minutes tripping down memory lane, I stepped inside my shower room and enjoyed the splash of cold water on my skin. The bubbles of my musky body soap felt smooth and caressing.

As I stepped towards my door, ready to battle over workloads, I stood still for a minute and felt my heart. It beats very silently and normally. I smiled and raced outside. As the air caught my breath, I closed my eyes and felt the tranquility of the day. The wind sings a melody.

Looking up, I noticed how gorgeous the blue skies are. The sky hums along.

As I tread along, the buds around are starting to uncoil into a lovely flower. The dews settled on the green grasses are vividly shining as the sunlight breaks through the clouds. The nature is coming back to life.

For another minute, I stood still again and just listened to the sounds. The chirping of birds and the rustling of leaves connived along.

For the first time in year, I noticed how beautiful the wonders of my surroundings are. I noticed how simple things could mean big. And I realize how focusing on the positive vibes could do wonder amidst debilitating chapters of my life. This, too, reminded me how being grateful instead of focusing on the hardships of life could magically turn your spirit high and your aims in life clear and straight.

Keep thinking happy thoughts!

Love has a habit of coming back

When I started working right after graduation a year and a half ago, it was also the start when my last relationship became topsy-turvy, hot and cold, and formidably painful.

For the first two months I was away from Mr. Heartache, I still tried to fix what seems to be going on between us. And with that two effing months, I became completely the woman I am not. I ran onto him. I shut my eyes off from the reality that he is already seeing someone else. I kept on lying to myself that even though our relationship is already shaky, at the end of the day, he will come to me, kiss my forehead and would whisper: I will stay with you.

But none of that happened.

I cried it all out and buried myself into mounds of office works and various activities. I got myself even busier. Until my heart got tired of fixing something I cannot really repair anymore. Until my eyes got exhausted from crying over the same shit (Pardon me for the word. I guess that’s just really the most suited word to describe it) over and over again.

And with all the strength I can summon, I gathered myself up, held my own hand and finally decided to move on.

After this ordeal I’ve been through, I already told myself I should not allow the same s*** happen to me ever again.  And I promised myself that if ever I fall in love again, I’ll make sure I won’t undergo the same vicious cycle of heartbreak anymore.

But just when you’ve thought you’ve moved on and thought you’ve finally gone far enough, something brings you to a touchstone and that’s when you realize that love has a habit of coming back.

 

(Originally written last October. ^^)