Tag Archives: self-love

A letter to myself

20 Mar

Dear amazing Jo,

 

Life gets tougher each day and you have constantly reminded yourself that you got to be tougher whenever. Truly, you’ve braved an arduous journey with your head high but with your feet always grounded.

Now that you are a few months close to turning 25, those jitters are flooding in making you feel like you haven’t had much of life and yet you are turning old so fast. But hey, try to look back and realize that you have been so wonderful and keeps on being more fabulous and fiercer as the years go by.

Remember…

When you were still five years old and you were so eager to go to school yet they didn’t want to admit you ‘coz you were still ‘too young’ to be in Grade One. But you still went on anyway and even ranked first that they admitted you in Grade Two right after.

When there was a time when you cried yourself out because the flood was waist-high and nobody fetched you from school yet you still braved the typhoon and managed to get home.

When you almost drowned because you didn’t know how to swim but eventually you were even able to save a life of a little kid from drowning and who was almost lifeless.

When you were seven years old and came running to your mom while sobbing because an “admirer” was doing “harana” and you were very scared for you thought you were already getting married. Then your mom was just laughing and said, “Baby, you’re not getting married. Not yet.”

When you first had a crush on someone but he never noticed you because he liked your bestfriend instead but later on you moved on and found another classmate worth having a crush on.

When you first had a boyfriend and thought you were already in love only to realize you didn’t actually even know what ‘being in love’ actually meant just yet.

When you first cried over a heartbreak and thought you’ll never be able to love again but you fell in love again anyways.

When you would always tell your mom how you wanted to be an office girl like her and right after finishing college, you also had your office like your mom has.

When you were so scared of airplanes but eventually got fond of it that you wished you’d be able to ride in one someday. Then you found yourself going from one place to another, from one country to the next; always marveling at the beauty of the world up in the air.

When you were still a little child and your mom asked what you wanted to become and you immediately said, “Abokado!” when you actually meant “abogado”. You were too scared then but now you’re almost done with your first year in law school.

When you thought you’ll never have good friends but eventually you are blessed with so many great friends in every place you’ve stepped on.

Most importantly, when you thought you won’t ever be able to gain that strength to fight for yourself as you fight for others but eventually found yourself falling in love with all the beauty the world offers. Your appreciation of the beauty of life has made you even bolder and braver keeping in mind that life, no matter how tricky and painful, has always beautiful things in between.

See? Who says you didn’t have much of a life? You’re making your life just as worthy as it has to be. For sure you will still mess up and will weaken from time to time. But I know you’ll manage to get up and keep the lessons you get from each bump. I am very proud of you for at this point in your life you are starting to learn how to save those pennies and how to be more patient in everything that you do (especially in standing in a long line. HAHA).

So stop worrying, my dear Jo. Always remember that you’ve gone through a lot for anyone to just easily crash it down. You’re amazing. You’re kind and have a big heart. You know how to forgive. You know how to be genuinely happy for people who are successful in their lives. You know how to listen and make someone feel better. You know how to love truly. You know how to accept people for who and what they are. You know you need not to change your other half but to accept him and love his flaws as they unveil themselves in front of you. And remarkably, you know that life isn’t always about winning a battle but also giving up a battle that is no longer worth fighting for.

Cheer up and stay as fabulous and as adorable as you have always been.

 

Sincerely,

Joahna ❤

 

 

 

Some things don’t change

28 Jan

He gave me love letters. Those were the first love letters I received.

He has a pair of deep, beautiful dimples. Whenever he smiled at me, flashing those dimples, my breath was taken away. He was simply gorgeous.

He was so persistent, following me wherever I went. He sat with me in the library. Every time I turned the page of the book I was reading, he would turn it back. Until he succeeded in getting my attention, my heart included.

He was smart. He was tall, dark, and drop-dead handsome. There was no single day that passed that he didn’t piss me off. But it was the kind that melted my heart.

He was so sweet he’ll knock you off his feet. And he was capable of making you laugh so hard until your stomach hurts.

He was a very thoughtful person. He sent me flowers and a handwritten love letter all the way from the other side of the world.

He was full of surprises. The best part—he always stole kisses on me especially when I was mad.

Each of these men who came and went in my life, left a permanent trace of memory that no matter how much I try to forget, I can’t. When I see a familiar place or hear a certain song, every single memory I had with them comes playing in the background, like everything just happened yesterday. These are the things that will never, ever change.

But while they left something for me to remember with, they also took a piece of my heart that I, up to now, am still trying to piece back all together.

I fell in love with each of them. I fell so deeply in love that I forgot about a very important person—myself. Because of this, I journeyed on finding the love in myself so I can love again with my whole heart.

For more than two years in this journey, I am not very sure if I did progress at all. But I did feel a sense of fulfilment, a sense of being me. Those many weekends that I celebrated alone and those times I did things alone—running, shopping, going home, watching a movie, and sleeping, I felt something so powerful that I never felt before: confidence, a breath of fresh air, and bliss. But more importantly, I realized that no matter how small the piece of my heart that is left, I am still capable of loving again.

I do not know when I will ever have that beautiful love story like many of the people around me did. But even if I am uncertain of time, I will still believe. I will believe that the love that is meant for me will someday get its way to me.

For while some things don’t change, some things do.